I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
