would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
