I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
