Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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