how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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