Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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