it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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