I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
