So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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