My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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