I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
