My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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