Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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