his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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