Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
