omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
