I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
