One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
