We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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