Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
