Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
