I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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