Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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