At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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