I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
