I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
