i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
