So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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