Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
