How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
