Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
