It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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