He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
