So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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