I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
