What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
