my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
