I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
