my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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