He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
