Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
