i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
