that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
