Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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