I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
