Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
