You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
