You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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