So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
