He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had sex on a roof
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
