It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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