I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
