Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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