I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
