Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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