You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
