I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
