Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
