I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
