Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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