her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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