I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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