this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
