At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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