thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
