I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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