So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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