When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
