her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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