This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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