Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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